I feel that as long as I keep myself busy these days that I feel better about myself and more accomplished. Exercise is my favorite stress/relaxer because I feel so great afterwards. I've been trying to exercise everyday, even if it's just the bike. I rode the bike for 3 hours yesterday! :P HA! It was fun...I will probably do the same today! I wanna get fit, but that means I also have to eat healthier!!!
Work, is WORK. I mean, you gotta make money somehow. I am going to stick it out working where I am this summer, and...when school starts we will see what happens.
Me and sis have been driving a lot lately, everyday in fact! The other day I washed my car, and vacuumed at one of those awesome car wash...rip offs haha. But It was FUN!!! Rinsing and washing was so fun, lol. The simplest things make me happy! :)
College for me isn't going to start until this Fall. I am saving up...this summer, but I also plan on going to the zoo and gurnee with sis! :) I am also saving...to move out, and other things in general...should've started saving a while back...then there's always the things I WANT! Like an ipod, a stereo for my car, it only has a tape player O.O and...new seat covers for my car, I even wanted to get it re-painted BLUE! But my goal right now...is just to try to at least put 200 in the bank from each pay period! Cause...I want to save :) And when I go to GURNEE I plan on getting a dress, I want to get this dress, when I am fit, and very comfortable with my body! I am reaching my goal! I want to have abs, toned arms, and...fit legs! ha!
As far as my boyfriend? Well yes, I do love him and am happy to have met him, but...this distance is killing me. I don't hear from him everyday as much as i'd like. IDK? I just...if he was here, i'd be able to see him, it's just complicated. We are talking...it's just, i'm still unsure...right when I was going to give up on guys, he shows up, and...it's just i'm unsure.
Family and siblings....
Me and mom aren't as close anymore...I just, feel she doesn't understand me, everything...everything I want to try and do, she just doesn't agree.
My second cousin and mom's aunt, yea, they just...
I don't like when people bail on me for no good reason, or are at home...neh, I don't want to talk about it, my sister is my best friend though.

Ok so...the reason behind my schedule...as in I make a letter each Wednesday and Friday is because no one is replying so...yea. But so, I don't care anymore...cause I just want this to be my getaway, to speak my mind, hence the name "SpeakingOut!"
Anyways...update on life...right?
Well let me see how to start this...
I've been really positive lately! I deleted my meetme account just because there were sooo many...nasty, disrespectful people on there...and I was NOT interested. I mainly joined to meet friends. Ummm but...ended up liking a couple of guys...whom I talked to. One of them...I think I just wanted the attention, he was NO GOOD for me. So I told him that, and had to stop talking to him. But I told my parents this...and they thought I was stupid for going for a guy like him...he's done some bad things, and at first I was thinking "I'm not going to judge" but at the same time, he wouldn't get a good job and he doesn't have a license...all things I would want in a guy, I pretty much dismissed. lol. But my parents knocked some sense into me.
Here's where it gets complicated...after that whole hurrah and telling my parents. I've been talking to a guy before the other guy...he's actually the type of guy i'd want in my life. He is PERFECT! I've talked to him on the phone, txted him and so on. He doesn't talk to me for one thing like the others did. He is just...like the type of guy i'd want in my life. Everything I wanted in a guy...he's so sweet! Makes me feel special day by day. We aren't too far away but we are far. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes! Because? I am positive he is the one! LIKE REALLY :)
So but I can't tell my parents right now...because they wouldn't understand. They say it's unsafe, but this guy I am talking to (my boyfriend) well...I know he is who he says he is! But if I tell my parents of him, they would probably take my phone or laptop away because of the mistake of telling them of the other guy, my mom...ha! My mom wants me to go out and go to like bars, and date guys from my job! and i'm like NO! mom...I don't want to do that. Like she doesn't understand, it's like she wants me to be like how she was at my age, let me tell you something, we are COMPLETE opposites! I can talk to guys but I don't like flirt...and such. This guy i'm talking to...he's like my first real boyfriend, and when I move out. I plan on seeing him. I'm saving up! And getting out...as far as my license goes. I scheduled the road test! I will be getting it very soon :P
Work isn't as bad anymore...cause I changed my availability to make it so that I have every other day off during the week sides the weekends. I also have college coming up...registered and everything is figured out. So! Now I've just gotta wait til' It comes!!!! :) I'm excited, meet new people. Learn...mostly I just want to meet new people. haha! I only see people from my job, if I go somewhere ... but college is different! Can't wait. Overall though I've been thinking positive lately and am happy! I just don't like hiding this guy from my parents but I know they wouldn't understand or take it well because of the other guy. But I definitely know the guy whom I am talking to is good for me! UGHH, when I move out...I won't have to worry about hiding things.

Up date:
As I typed out those words “Up Date” I couldn’t help but think about----The word “up date” and its definition. Briefly said, it is a condensed communication that the listener or reader is provided the means to understand the additional information, in a way that makes it possible to understand the correct order of the events from the beginning to the current point.
I seem to have made the same mistake--- again. No new news here. A few months ago, I thought I was ready to take a chance and begin a relationship. Either I wasn’t ready or he is a HUGE dickhead

With all the extensive counseling I have had over this past year---- my bet is placed, that HE is a dickhead.

Sometimes---- giving up isn’t that you’re not strong; it means that you’re not as strong as what you were battling.

I was strong, I was determined; I gave it all that I had…. I can walk away, KNOWING that I did try my very best.
There is NO way that doing your very best---can be considered a failure.

Ummm changed my availability for work, cause I needed more time to drive, I finally know how to park and am very proud of myself! lol. A little thing to be proud of but still...
and I also think I just need a couple days or so of practice and I will schedule my road test. I am confident in my driving! Hmm, and so about college, I am registering for it, soon, tomorrow actually! It's coming fast, and ... we will see how it goes. As far as guys, I am just talking to guys, nothing big, just as friends, one I am really starting to like, he lives not too far but still...he is funny, smart, and really cool to talk to, but I am also careful about these things!
I am also friends with a guy who lives where I live, not to far, and told him we should hang out one time, as friends, we will see what he has to say! But anyways, nothing big...
life is looking not too bad afterall, but I still...need to achieve my goals, college, license, and weight, body goal!!! :P that's about it...thanks for reading folks!

Much has happened and changed my perspective on life...
First off I now realize, that, the best friend and most dependable person whom I have in my life is my sister! Why? Cause I can tell her anything and she understands.
Me and her are going o have fun today because we are going driving and to a couple places today, just for fun, we never have fun...we did the other day, something silly. We went through drive through a couple times and went in...silly but fun!
I am driving today...not afraid to, just don't like it, aha, yes, I still don't like it...too many reasons why!
Guys, yea...so I've been telling you guys how I really want to get kissed, still hasn't happened. I'm sure if I really really wanted to...i'd be out there in the wrong places and it'd happen. But I am old fashioned, and want to really like the guy, which I don't think is too much to ask?
The sites, dating sites and so on...the ones I've been going on there are older men like ages from 30 to 50 trying to talk to me, how disgusting! I don't want that attention.
I've decided to ... not even go out looking for a guy. I am currently txting a couple guys in the navy whom are really cool to talk to and don't only talk about sex like the rest. They are actually fun to talk to...so i'm just going to talk to them...and not worry about getting boyfriend and so on, it will happen when it happens. I'm...done trying and looking for one. I just...want to feel special and loved by a guy whom really likes me and who I like back! But...it's whatever, the day will come and I need not rush it.
College, I will be starting very soon...
License, and work, well...I changed my availability at work cause I really need to get this license, and they understand, I want to get this license, it's freedom! I need it!!! :P